In 2010, our daughter had a miscarriage. I can still hear the haunting voice of my son-in-law who just said those few words that changed our lives "we lost our baby!" I could hear my daughter crying in the background. All I could suggest and say was "Oh, come home...."
The doctor's office was only about 15 minutes from our house in McKinney. I was just leaving work for the day when they delivered this stressful news.
As I was driving home in tears, I asked myself, "What will I say?" "What can I do?" I asked God to give me the right words, the love, the strength to help them get through this most difficult time.
As you can understand, there are no words, you just have to sit and listen and pray. You are grieving in silence. We decided that we all needed to be together for support before she went to the hospital the next morning.
Having joined the happy couple and my Mom to view the latest 3-D sonogram just two weeks before.
Here is a picture capturing the moment that we shared with our children during the viewing of his picture.
We had seen his face, hands, spine and perfect body, how could this be?
I had so many questions and I know my stunned children did!
They were just devastated and so were we!
So while they went home to get their dogs and clothes, I visited our neighbor who had several miscarriages early in life.
She and her husband both had words
of encouragement, suggested words of comfort to use and prayed for my
daughter and her doctor's healing hands.
Until you have experienced a miscarriage or your child does and I pray that doesn't happen, you don't have words....you just listen. Your heart breaks for your child. You hug, you cry, you just show compassion and love during this most difficult time.
This was a
traumatic experience for our children as they experienced the birth
of a lifeless child, a miscarriage. She was told that it would take 12
hours or so to deliver. We made preparations to be with our daughter.
Her brother flew in from Houston to support her.
We all accompanied her as she entered the hospital at 7:30 on March 10th and as she was led to her room, I noticed the white rose attached to the door. Significant to all Mom's who might have a miscarriage or loss of a child.
The process began at 10:00 when medications were given and at that time it was explained that these drugs were very powerful and strong. These drugs caused various reactions throughout the day and night including her having a very high temperature (106.5 degrees) at one time, very low blood pressure throughout the experience, nausea and vomiting, and horrible stomach cramping. Still no birth. This continued throughout the day and until the next morning with various monitoring by the nurses and doctors.
husband and son went home to take care of the dogs and to try to rest,
but were back the next morning early. My son-and-law and I were there
on make-shift couches trying to rest during this long process.
The next morning as our family gathered outside her door, we still waited. Earlier her doctor had used a non-conventional method for opening the cervix, a seaweed (laminaria) dilator. While her husband and I were beside my daughter's bed for those long 34 hours as their first child was born, I prayed that I would have the strength and words to help them through this difficult time.
My daughter had been so brave and strong as she gave birth to their baby (I privately named him Trey), so tiny yet perfectly formed. If he had lived, he would have been known as a Micro Preemie, however, he hadn't survive.
the nurses took him to be weighed and cleaned him and then returned him
to both of his parents to hold, I
stepped outside so they could have their private time together. Then
we were all allowed to return to hold this tiny infant and express our
love for him. So difficult, but it is so necessary in the grieving
process. He weighed just over a pound and his skin was very thin where
you could see his veins. He was a beautiful, tiny boy that we will
There was a family burial in my hometown next to my father where my hometown friends and family prepared a lunch for us to show how much they cared. His small casket was draped with only a rose. Our first grandson will never be forgotten. He will always live in our hearts!
Later they found that because of medical issues, his little life was unable to continue.
After a few months into the grieving process,
my daughter and her husband went to various specialists for complicated and
intense testing to find out why their baby had died.
This page, Miscarriage and IVF, is still very difficult for me to write even though much time has passed. When your child experiences a miscarriage, she and her husband are grieving for their lost child and the future that won't be.
Yet you and your husband also are grieving for yourselves, not knowing your grandchild and for the pain that your children are feeling.
Words can't express how I felt that day, the only time I would ever hold my first grandchild. I knew that he wouldn't be able to walk or talk or play with his family or friends.
I wrote a letter to include in his casket explaining the love that his family would always have for him and that he would never be forgotten. This was one of the saddest times of my life!
With a miscarriage there was such disappointment and fear. The love and hope for the future of this child was gone.
Her miscarriage was caused by a blood
disorder called APA (Anti-phospholipid
Antibody) that required her to have subcutaneous
daily while pregnant and to take a baby aspirin for the remainder of her life. If this disorder hadn't been discovered, she would have had additional issues.
After the miscarriage and during the next few months, they tried various infertility methods to become pregnant.
When those processes didn’t work, they began the arduous task of In vitro Fertilization (IVF) to become pregnant.
After weeks of Intravenous injections and other sophisticated tests, it was time to implant her fertilized eggs. One day when my grandsons eventually ask about their conception, I can laughingly say... I was there!
Yes, her family (Father, Nana, Brother, and me) were seated in Dr. James Douglas’ waiting room, an Infertility Specialist and Reproductive Endocrinologist physician in Plano on 2/12/2011, while Mom and Dad were anticipating an “implanting of her fertilized egg” celebration!
It was explained that two eggs were implanted so that there is a better chance of success. So approximately two weeks later, we received the greatest news, she was pregnant. Yes, that is the night that they sent me the text message.
They would have to wait until her first sonogram, approximately 7 weeks to find out if Dr. Douglas’ reputation is as outstanding as we have heard. Will there be multiples? Then we have to wait even longer to see what the sex is! Oh, the excitement is unbelievable!
Yes, as I mentioned at the beginning of this message, Miscarriage and IVF to the rescue--two words, one filled with sadness and grieving; the other hope and happiness! I hope through this discussion of this most difficult subject, you can understand how Miscarriage and IVF can be considered the saddest and happiest times in life!
If your child has had a miscarriage, let me encourage you to discuss this experience too. Recommend that they not give up on trying to have a baby! They should try various infertility methods to become pregnant. It can become the happiest times of their life and yours!
This is a message that one of my friends shared with me after my daughter's miscarriage. It does explain many of the feelings that parents and grandparents have when a miscarriage happens and as they go through the grieving process.
"Your life was a blessing your memory a treasure
You are loved beyond words and missed beyond measure!"
APA (Anti-phospholipid Antibody)